Before the ask, one step remains. Asking for permission to ask. The request is to present a challenge. This is the proposal for support.298 Getting permission first is important. It puts the donor in control.299 It sets the stage for the ask.

The phrasing should present this as the next natural step in the conversation. For example,

Providing value

This phrasing emphasizes value. These value words include,

The request is to present a proposal. But these are meaningful, valuable options. This isn’t leading to just, “Can I have some money, please?” (That’s an experience people prefer to avoid.)304 Sharing personalized, thoughtful, detailed opportunities is different. It can provide real value.

In the donor’s hero story, the proposal is the “call to adventure.” This “monomyth” proposal will

This proposal is valuable. It presents a compelling option. It promises a meaningful victory. It advances the hero’s journey. Completing the hero’s journey delivers an enhanced identity. It delivers meaning and honor.

Using “value” words for the proposal isn’t just a trick. It can match the donor’s actual experience. It can match the donor’s story.

The power of delay

Asking for permission to ask does something else. It creates a scheduled delay. This delay accomplishes several things.

First, it allows more time for donors to think. The identity and meaningful victory questions are deep issues. More time can help. Larger financial decisions aren’t just instant impulse choices. They can require more thought. More time can help.

In one experiment, people were asked to make either a small (<$1) or large ($100) donation.305 Some were asked to first reflect on the decision during a 60-second delay. (Others could answer right away.) Adding the delay had no effect on the small gift decision. But it more than doubled willingness to make the large gift. Adding time for contemplation was critical for larger gift decisions.

Another experiment showed this in a different way. Donation options were $5, $100, and an open-ended blank. Some had to respond quickly. Others had to reflect during a 60-second delay. The delay had no effect on the likelihood of giving. But it dramatically increased the share of people who made larger gifts.306 Adding time for contemplation was critical for larger gift decisions.

A delay accomplishes something else. It separates the conversational questions from the ask. The financial request doesn’t come right away. This preserves the social context of the initial conversations.

Finally, a delay can increase perceived value. Options that take time and effort to construct feel more valuable.

Scheduled delay

Introducing a delay can be powerful. But we don’t want to just indefinitely postpone a decision. We want to schedule it. Time is still critical. Deadlines are still motivational. For example,

The power of the preliminary “yes”

Asking for permission with a delay triggers another behavioral reaction. People tend to predict they will help. This prediction is higher than the actual help they would have given if asked immediately. This is no surprise. A prediction doesn’t cost anything. And we all like to view ourselves positively.307

But here’s where it gets weird. Once people make this prediction, they then change their future behavior to match their prediction. Getting people to first predict their actions increases helping. This happens in experiments with

This also happens in fundraising. It helps explain the power of feasibility studies. These ask people to predict their future giving. The initial prediction is not a commitment. It doesn’t cost anything. It’s just a conversation to help with planning. But the future prediction can then influence actual giving.

In one experiment,313 some university alumni were called and asked questions, including

“If you were contacted by your high school or college and asked to donate money, would you do so?”

Others were asked only unrelated questions or no questions at all. A few days later, the university’s fundraising phone campaign contacted everyone. Among those who were not asked to predict their giving, less than a third gave. Among those who were asked for a prediction, half gave. And, on average, they donated 70% more than those who weren’t asked for a prediction.

Getting permission to make the ask does the same thing. It makes the donor consider what they might do in the future. They consider this prior to an actual commitment. When they’re later asked to actually give, the gift becomes more likely. And it becomes larger.

Major gifts require time

We don’t have to ask for permission. We could just ask for the gift. If the request is minor, there’s no need to wait. People will make these small “social compliance” gifts if asked. But they also tend to avoid these requests.314 The donor might disappear. If we’re asking small, we should do it now. We might not get another chance!

But that’s not how major gifts work. Major gifts are not an impulse purchase.315 Major gifts require thought. They require planning. They require time. One fundraiser shares,

“If someone doesn’t need to stop and think, it’s not REALLY a major gift.”316

Jerold Panas adds,

“The chances are almost certain you won’t receive a meaningful answer or a consequential gift on the first visit. If you do, odds are you could have gotten more!”317

Naomi Levine shares,

“The quicker you ask, the less money you will receive.”318

How long is the process for a major gift? Experienced fundraisers typically say about one to three years.319 This will include four to six meetings or “moves.”

Time for story

But just waiting for time to pass won’t lead to a major gift. Meetings and donor experiences can help. But they must advance the story. These “moves” must lead to a compelling fundraising challenge.

They can connect the organization, cause, or project with the donor’s history, people, or values. They can demonstrate the organization’s ability to deliver impact, meaning, and recognition. They can support the full donor-hero story process.

A box and arrow diagram where "Original identity" links to "Challenge" links to "Victory" links to "Enhanced Identity"

Fundraisers often describe the process in terms of building “trust” or “relationship.”320 A compelling challenge does require trust. Many organizations promise a victory. But few actually deliver that experience to the donor. Fewer still deliver a donor experience that enhances meaning or reputation.

A guiding sage can help in the donor’s journey. But there is always a risk that the guide is a counterfeit. She may abandon the donor before the hero’s journey is complete. She may simply be a jester who quits at the punchline. Relationship can increase trust against such donor abandonment.

Next step

Trust, relationship, and permission are valuable. But these alone won’t create a major gift. They simply support the “ask.”

In a narrative arc, the ask is the “inciting incident.” In the hero’s journey, it’s the “call to adventure.” This is the critical story point where the main character must choose. It’s the point in the donor’s hero story that we’ll look at next.